Are your beliefs causing your pain?

Beliefs are basically the guiding principles in life that provide direction and meaning for our life. Beliefs are the pre-set, organised filters to our perceptions of the world (external and internal). Beliefs are like ‘internal commands’ to the brain as to how to interpret what is happening, when we congruently believe something to be true.

Beliefs originate from what we hear – and keep on hearing from others, ever since we were children (and even before that!). The sources of beliefs include environment, events, knowledge, past experiences, visualisation, etc. One of the biggest misconceptions people often harbour is that a belief is a static, intellectual concept. Nothing can be farther from the truth! Beliefs are a choice. We have the power to choose our beliefs.

We have all heard, seen and read what others do and say when loss comes into their life. We have formed our ‘Beyond Loss Beliefs’ from these experiences. Now let’s look at the five most common misbeliefs around loss.

Just give it time: I am sure you have heard this multiple times. In some cultures, people wear black for a year after the loss of a loved one. You get to choose the time frame. You can choose to complete the emotional relationship on the day of the loss. Will you? Probably not. It’s important to know and remember that time is not a factor when it comes to stopping the grieving and suffering process.

Keep busy: This may take your mind off the Unconscious Mind Loss Loop, though all it is doing is keeping you suffering for longer. Get busy with taking responsibility for what has happened. Start to figure out all of your communications that may be incomplete and uncommunicated.

Replace the loss: This one I really do not understand, though many people say it. Sure, you may find someone to do some of the things you used to do together. Though all relationships are unique, know that you are not replacing the other person, you are creating more unique relationships and experiences.

Grieve alone: I feel that this belief has come about as most people are uncomfortable around loss. They don’t want to talk about it or think about it. When you keep bringing it up, they shut you down, change the subject and tell you to “Get over it” “Move on.” It does not have to be that way. This is why I do what I do. It’s time for people to get comfortable around loss. Then we will all know how to easily move beyond it.

Be strong for others: I’ve heard this several times. I don’t get it. The relationship is unique. Create a healthy emotional relationship in regard to the loss. Then others will see a better way for them to do it. That is the most ideal way to be there for others. Be the example for others to follow.

Always Remember:

Your beliefs become your reality. choose beliefs that create your ideal reality.


Do you know what your beliefs are regarding loss?

Here are some Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • How many of the above five beliefs do I have?
  • Do I have any others?
  • How are these beliefs serving me?
  • What would be a better Beyond Loss Belief for me to have?

Take some time to write these down. Explore them. Then figure out some more ideal beliefs to have regarding loss……….. ones that will serve you and not bring you down for too long.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley


#BeliefsMatter #BeyondLossBeliefs #EmotionalHealing #ChangeYourBeliefs #GrievingProcess



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