Psychologically Why We Suffer So Much

Sigmund Freud used the analogy of an iceberg to describe the three levels of the mind.

The Conscious Mind (tip of the iceberg, above the water): consists of all the mental processes of which we are aware.

The Preconscious Mind (just below the surface): contains thoughts and feelings that a person is not currently aware of, but which can easily be brought to consciousness. The preconscious is like a mental waiting room, in which thoughts remain until they ‘succeed in attracting the eye of the conscious. Mild emotional experiences may be in the preconscious but sometimes traumatic and powerful negative emotions are repressed and hence not available in the preconscious.

The Unconscious Mind (the rest below the surface): comprises mental processes that are inaccessible to consciousness but that influence judgement, feelings, or behaviour. The unconscious mind is the primary source of human behaviour. Like an iceberg, the most important part of the mind is the part you cannot see. Our feelings, motives and decisions are actually powerfully influenced by our past experiences and stored in the unconscious.

When any of the 40+ loss event occur, our Unconscious mind starts searching for what was never communicated or completed in the relationship.

I call this The Unconscious Mind Loss Loop:

It is these undelivered communications, large and small that have emotional value to you and are continually repeated in the Loop.

Sometimes it’s caused by our actions or inactions. Other times it is caused by circumstances outside of our control. It could be caused by our postponements. There are after all two people in every relationship.

Sometimes we do and say things we wished we had not. Sometimes it was them. Sometimes we put things off and wish we had not.

This is what causes us to Grieve and Suffer.

The fact that we regret the things we did and said. The fact that we wished they had not done and said things. The fact that we wished that we had not put things off to a later date.

No matter what loss you are suffering from it is always ideal for you to dive into the all of the things that may cause you regrets, here are some:

Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Some of the things I regret saying.
  • Some of the things I regret doing.
  • I wish they had not said…
  • I wish they had not done…
  • I wish that we had not postponed…

Take some time to write these down. Explore them. Then forgive yourself and the other person. That way you can learn and grow from them…. not to be repeated in your next similar relationship.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley


#UnconsciousMind #PsychologicalSuffering #EmotionalRegrets #SelfGrowthJourney #BeyondLimitations



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