Beyond Limitations Blog Post

Avoidance Tactics Recap

Over the past eight days we have delved into Avoidance Tactics. Those coping mechanisms that are utilised to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss.

Though when utilised to excess, your life begins to spiral.

The eight most common avoidance tactics are:

  1. Food Alcohol Drugs
  2. Anger
  3. Excess Work
  4. Isolation
  5. Excess Exercise
  6. Distractions – Fantasy/TV/Netflix/Social Media
  7. Excess Sex
  8. Retail Therapy

It’s important to note that these activities or habits, in moderation, may not necessarily be harmful. However, when you engage in them as avoidance tactics for the wrong reasons, they can impede the grieving process and prevent you from working through your emotions in a healthy manner.

Recognising and becoming aware of these avoidance behaviours is an essential step in moving from avoidance to active grieving.

Active grieving involves confronting and processing your feelings of loss in a more constructive and healing way, rather than relying on these temporary distractions or numbing behaviours.

To read the undividual avoidance tactic posts, click on the name above.

 

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more loving and constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#AvoidanceTactics #HealthyGrieving #RecogniseAndHeal #SupportAndGuidance #EmotionalWellBeing

Retail Therapy

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day eight and our final avoidance tactic day.

Today we are looking at:

RETAIL THERAPY

Retail therapy, or compulsive shopping, is a means of seeking comfort and pleasure through acquiring material possessions.

It can provide a temporary high and a sense of control but may lead to financial issues and emotional dependency on material goods.

Some of the long term negative effects from indulging in this avoidance tactic can be:

  • Personal:

    Compulsive shopping can result in financial stress, debt, and emotional dependency on material possessions.

  • Relationships:

    Financial disagreements related to excessive shopping can strain relationships.

  • Work:

    Financial difficulties stemming from overspending can lead to job-related stress and decreased performance.

  • Financial:

    Excessive shopping can lead to financial instability, debt, and long-term financial hardship.

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with your grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Am I frequently engaging in compulsive shopping to distract from my emotions?
  • Is retail therapy becoming a way to escape the emotional pain of loss?
  • Have I noticed a significant increase in my spending on non-essential items?
  • Is my shopping behavioUr leading to financial strain or debt?
  • Do I feel dependent on material possessions to find happiness or fill an emotional void?

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more loving and constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#RetailTherapy #FinancialHealth #MaterialDependency #RelationshipStrain #SupportAndGuidance

Excess Sex

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day seven and we are looking at:

EXCESS SEX

Some people turn to excessive or promiscuous sexual behaviour as a way to find a temporary sense of connection and pleasure, which can serve as a distraction from grief.

However, this can lead to risky behaviours and emotional consequences.

Some of the long term negative effects from indulging in this avoidance tactic can be:

  • Personal:

    Risky sexual behaviour can lead to physical health issues, emotional turmoil and potential addiction.

  • Relationships:

    Promiscuity can lead to strained relationships and a lack of emotional intimacy.

  • Work:

    Sexual behaviour may result in workplace issues, such as harassment or conflicts.

  • Financial:

    Costs related to sexual encounters, like contraceptives or health services, can impact financial stability.

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with your grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Have I engaged in risky or promiscuous sexual behaviour as a way to fill an emotional void?
  • Is sex becoming a primary means of avoiding or escaping my grief?
  • Have I noticed that my sexual behaviours have increased since my loss?
  • Are there feelings of emptiness or emotional detachment associated with my sexual encounters?
  • Have I experienced negative consequences or regrets related to my sexual behaviour?

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more loving and constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#SexualCoping #EmotionalConsequences #HealthyIntimacy #SeekingSupport #EmotionalHealing

Distractions

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day six and we are looking at:

DISTRACTIONS (Fantasy/TV/Netflix/Social Media)

Engaging in excessive distractions like watching TV, delving into fantasy worlds, or spending too much time on social media can help you temporarily escape you grief.

Whilst these distractions are not inherently negative, using them excessively to avoid facing emotions can hinder your healing process.

Some of the long term negative effects from indulging in this avoidance tactic can be:

  • Personal:

    Overindulgence in distractions can lead to reduced productivity, decreased self-esteem and a lack of emotional processing.

  • Relationships:

    Neglecting relationships for distractions can lead to emotional distance and strain.

  • Work:

    Decreased productivity due to excessive distractions can lead to job performance issues.

  • Financial:

    Subscriptions, online shopping and gaming can lead to financial strain.

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with your grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Do I often find myself escaping into fantasies, TV, or social media to avoid dealing with my emotions?
  • Is my use of these distractions increasing to the point where they interfere with daily life?
  • Have I neglected responsibilities or personal goals due to excessive distractions?
  • Do I feel emotionally numb or disconnected from my real-life experiences?
  • Is it difficult for me to stay present and engage with my surroundings without distractions?

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more loving and constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#DigitalDistractions #MindfulTechUse #BalanceAndHealing #RelationshipWellness #SupportAndGuidance

Isolation

 

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day four and we are looking at:

ISOLATION

Isolating oneself from others can be a means of self-protection.

By withdrawing from social interactions and relationships, individuals can minimise the risk of experiencing further emotional pain.

However, prolonged isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and exacerbate the grieving process.

Some of the long term negative effects from indulging in this avoidance tactic can be:

  • Personal:

    Prolonged isolation can lead to depression, anxiety, and decreased overall well-being.

  • Relationships:

    Isolating oneself can result in strained or severed relationships with friends and family.

  • Work:

    Loneliness and mental health issues from isolation can negatively impact job performance and satisfaction.

  • Financial:

    Costs associated with mental health treatment due to isolation may impact financial stability.

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with your grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Have I withdrawn from social interactions and relationships since experiencing my loss?
  • Do I avoid reaching out to friends or family for support when I’m feeling down?
  • Has my social circle expressed concern about my increasing isolation?
  • Do I prefer to be alone for extended periods rather than engaging with others?
  • Am I avoiding social situations or gatherings that I used to enjoy?

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more loving and constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#IsolationStruggles #SocialWithdrawal #EmotionalWellBeing: #LonelinessAwareness #SupportAndReconnection

Excess Work

 

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day three and we are looking at:

EXCESS WORK

Throwing oneself into work excessively can serve as a distraction from grief.

By keeping busy and preoccupied with work-related tasks, you can avoid confronting your feelings of loss.

This may lead to burnout and neglect of personal well-being.

Some of the long term negative effects from indulging in this avoidance tactic can be:

  • Personal:

    Overworking can lead to burnout, physical and mental health issues, and a lack of self-care.

  • Relationships:

    Neglecting personal relationships due to excessive work can strain family and social connections, leading to isolation and loneliness.

  • Work:

    Over time, burnout can lead to decreased productivity, errors, and decreased job satisfaction.

  • Financial:

    While it might lead to short-term financial gains, the long-term cost of neglecting health can result in medical expenses and reduced earning potential.

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with your grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Am I spending excessive hours at work to the detriment of my personal life and well-being?
  • Is work becoming a way to escape from my feelings of grief and sadness?
  • Have I neglected self-care and personal relationships due to my work commitments?
  • Do I find it challenging to disconnect from work even during personal time?
  • Am I using work as a distraction from processing my emotions related to the loss?

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#WorkaholicWoes #AvoidanceBurnout #BalancingLife #RelationshipStrain #SeekingSupport

Anger

 

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day two and we are looking at:

ANGER

Expressing anger is a defense mechanism used to deflect feelings of sadness and vulnerability.

Instead of confronting your grief, you may become irritable or even lash out at others in an attempt to avoid your true emotions.

The long term negative effects from indulging in this avoidance tactic can be:

  1. Personal:

    Suppressing grief with anger can lead to emotional exhaustion, increased stress, and heightened risk of health problems.

  2. Relationships:

    Expressing anger inappropriately can damage relationships, making it difficult to find emotional support during a time of loss.

  3. Work:

    Frequent outbursts or irritability can result in conflicts with coworkers and supervisors, potentially leading to job instability.

  4. Financial:

    Legal issues stemming from anger-related incidents can result in financial repercussions.

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with your grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Am I frequently experiencing anger or irritability that seems out of proportion to the situation?
  • Do I use anger as a defense mechanism to avoid acknowledging my grief and sadness?
  • Has my anger caused conflicts with friends, family, or coworkers?
  • Am I using anger to deflect from feelings of vulnerability and sadness?
  • Do I feel trapped in a cycle of anger and frustration without addressing the root cause?

If you find that you are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#AvoidanceTactics #EmotionalExhaustion #CopingStrategies #RelationshipHealing #AngerManagement #SupportandGuidance

 

Food Alchol Drugs

Avoidance tactics are often used as coping mechanisms to temporarily alleviate emotional pain associated with loss. Though in excess, your life begins to spiral.

However, they are generally not effective in the long run and can have negative consequences if relied upon excessively.

Recognising and addressing these avoidance behaviours is crucial to progress towards healthier, more constructive ways of grieving and healing.

In order to assist you with this we are doing a series of posts that delve into the eight most common avoidance tactics.

Today is day one and we are looking at:

FOOD ALCOHOL DRUGS

Many people may turn to These substances can provide a short-lived escape from the grief and sadness but there are many negative effects, Such as

  • Personal:

    Using substances like food, alcohol, or drugs to cope with grief can lead to physical and mental health issues, including obesity, addiction and poor emotional well-being.

  • Relationships:

    It can strain relationships, as addiction or dependency on substances may cause conflicts and a lack of emotional presence with loved ones.

  • Work:

    Addiction and related health problems can lead to absenteeism, reduced productivity and potential job loss.

  • Financial:

    Excessive spending on substances can strain finances, leading to debt and financial instability.

 

To assist you to self-assess whether you are using these tactics to avoid dealing with their grief here are:

Five Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • Do I find myself overindulging in food, alcohol, or drugs as a way to escape or numb my grief?
  • Am I using these substances to cope with emotional pain rather than addressing my feelings?
  • Have I noticed a significant change in my consumption of these substances since my loss?
  • Do I feel dependent on these substances to get through the day?
  • Have others expressed concern about my consumption of these substances?

If you find that they are, please reach out to us for support and guidance, so we can assist you to transition to more constructive grieving strategies.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#AvoidanceTactics #GriefRecovery #CopingStrategies #OvercomingAddiction #YouAreNotAlone

 

The Avoidance Loop

In order to quieten our Unconscious Mind Loss Loop and to justify our beyond loss tactics, we can create the Avoidance Loop.

The avoidance loop involves a recurring pattern of negative self-talk and thought patterns that can keep you stuck in a cycle of avoidance and emotional distress.

Some of the common statements within this loop are:

  1. “This is too hard”: This statement reflects a feeling of being overwhelmed by the grief and challenges associated with loss. It can lead to avoidance behaviours as you try to escape the difficulty of processing your emotions.
  2. “I can’t get out of bed”: This phrase signifies a deep sense of sadness and emotional exhaustion. It’s a common manifestation of depression and can lead to isolation and a lack of engagement with life.
  3. “What’s the point of living”: This question reflects a sense of hopelessness and existential despair. When you are in the avoidance loop you may question the meaning and purpose of life due to the overwhelming emotional pain you’re experiencing.
  4. “No one gets me”: Feeling misunderstood or isolated in grief can reinforce the avoidance loop. Believing that no one understands can lead to further withdrawal from social support and connection.
  5. “I’ll never be successful in [insert your area of life]”: This statement reflects a negative and defeatist mindset. Grief can lead to self-doubt and many individuals may convince themselves that they’ll never achieve success or happiness in various aspects of life, contributing to avoidance.
  6. “Nothing matters anymore”: This belief can stem from the profound sense of loss and emotional numbness. It can lead to disengagement from your interests, responsibilities and relationships.

The avoidance loop is characterised by a cycle of these negative thoughts and feelings, which reinforce each other and make it difficult to move forward in the grieving process. These thoughts often feed into avoidance behaviours.

Recognising and challenging these negative thought patterns is a crucial step in transitioning from avoidance to active grieving.

As breaking out of the Avoidance Loop typically requires self-awareness, support from others and professional guidance, we will delve into the main eight avoidvance tactics over the next eight posts.

In the meantime, look at the six statements bove and look at when you had these thoughts and feelings.

 

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#GriefJourney #BreakTheAvoidanceLoop #EmotionalWellbeing: #SupportAndHealing #YouAreTheBest

 

 

Coping Strategies

 

Coping strategies are psychological patterns that individuals use to manage thoughts, feelings and actions encountered during any loss event.

Many times, in life we have developed unconscious habits that are not serving us. To change a habit, we must first be aware of it.

Which of these three coping strategies is your default strategy?

ACTIVE

During this phase, we are actively gathering information, securing social support, prioritising tasks, active distraction and problem-solving. The title graphic above where the lady is, highlights what this strategy (and the next two strategies) is all about ~ for you to say I’m ACTing in a conscious way.

The good news is that WE LOVE to assist you to have a detailed step-by-step guide on how you can ACTively move beyond all of your losses. Even the ones that you may have stuffed so deep down, you have consciously forgotten about them!

PASSIVE

During this phase, we are purposefully engaging in activities being distracted by others, in order to not have to think about the event.

Whilst this strategy may initially seem effective in dealing with particularly intense feelings and may serve to decrease distress, in the long term if you stay in this for too long it is like you are saying you’ve PASSed on life.

We are here to embrace all of life’s events, to learn and grow from them not to pass on them.

Take the time now, to imagine that you are ninety years old, sitting in your rocking chair reviewing your life and all that has happened. When you reflect back to the present day and you think back to reading this book and that you ignored all or most of its advice, just because it was easier for you to just PASS on life.

  • Would you have any regrets?
  • Would you be angry at yourself for never fulfilling all your hopes, dreams and aspirations?
  • In hindsight, does it make logical sense that you decided to stop living and pass on life because you had a really horrific loss occur in your life, that you felt you would never get over?

AVOIDANCE

During this phase, our behavioural, cognitive, or emotional activity directs us away from a perceived threat (e.g., denial, withdrawal).

This strategy seems to be a default one for many.  Early on we may learn to cover up, hide or bury our feelings. Then not surprisingly sometime later we adopt that same behaviour and bury our feelings – utilising alcohol or other less ideal habits.

Begging you to ask, “Am I DANCING with the devil or DANCING to the music within me?”

Our next few posts will shine the light on avoidance tactics.

Though for now here are some:

Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

  • My default coping strategy is?
  • How has that been working out for me?
  • Moving forward what would be a better strategy?
  • How would this new strategy enhance my life, moving forward?

Take some time to write these down. Explore them. Then forgive yourself for not knowing there was a better strategy you could have been utilising.

That way you can learn and grow, knowing that next time loss comes into your lufe you’ll have a better stratgey to utilise.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

 

#CopingStrategies #HabitAwareness #DefaultStrategy #LifeReflection #BetterStrategy #BeyondLimitations

 

 

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