There are many social traditions around loss that have been passed down for centuries. The funny thing is that not many of us have taken the time to question, why this is so?
Many of us follow them blindly and continue to say the things that others have said all because we are uncomfortable around loss and have no idea what the most ideal thing is to say.
A couple of years ago, Jenny, a friend, was almost ostracised because she started dating three months after Fred, her husband of 25 years had passed away. Many had bought into the belief that there was a certain amount of time that should pass before one should move on. Though little did they know that three months had been the exact time that Jenny and Fred had agreed upon before he had passed.
Fred knew that Jenny had deeply loved him. As he did her. Though he also knew that he did not want Jenny at home alone. Lonely. Watching the time pass. He knew that she was a people person and he wanted her out, living and loving life. He believed that he would be onto his next adventure in another realm, so what would be the point of Jenny not starting her next life’s adventure, in this realm.
Every time we think about Jenny and Fred, we always feel that they got it right.
- What do you think?
- Do you believe that there should be a certain amount of time, before moving on?
- Why are we all so bound by these traditions that do not serve us, now and probably not when they were even created?
It’s time for us to look at everything we do, say and believe about Grief and Loss and ask the question,
- How does this assist me to honour the person, place or thing, that I have just lost, whilst still honouring and respecting me in the process?
The last part of the question is something most of us forget in the process.
- How can I Honour and Respect me?
When this is placed into the equation you begin to see things differently and ask yourself more meaningful questions,
- What does this mean for me now and moving forward?
This is not a selfish question. It is something we need to consider and deep dive into. We are, after all, the only person we will be spending our entire life with, so our ‘wants and needs’ matter.
We are hopeful that when more of us have an in-depth understanding regarding the next few topics we will share, that the way people move on after any kind of loss is their choice. An intellectual and informed choice, not one that has been forced upon us by ignorant traditions.
Reach out anytime.
Until we meet again, please remember that You Are Simply the BEST!!
Karen and Lesley
#BreakingGriefTraditions #IndividualHealingJourney #SelfRespectInGrief #QuestioningGriefNorms #BeyondLimitations