Why We Suffer So Much

Loss for all of us is inevitable. We all will face multiple major losses throughout our lives. It could be a death of a loved one, a divorce, separation, job loss, your health, your pets or any of the other 40 plus loss events.

Love is also inevitable. We are constantly moving between love and loss and then back to love. I refer to this as the Love Loss Infinity Loop.

The concept of the “Love Loss Infinity Loop” describes the cyclic nature of love and loss in our lives. It highlights the need for healthy emotional processing, as suppressing or ignoring feelings related to loss can lead to suffering.

Many of us seem to get stuck in loss, mainly because we have not been shown how to healthily process our feelings. We suppress them, stuff them down, avoid and/or ignore them, hoping and sometimes praying that they will simply go away. This is why we need to understand the many reasons why we suffer so much.

The first and most significant step is to understand that there are three aspects to every relationship. They are:





The physical relationship is the way that we physically hang out together. The things we do together. What we say. The information we share. The way we touch each other. It’s the intimacy, the closeness between people in personal relationships.

It’s what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. It involves the quality of the time you spend together. The way that you open up about personal details and bond over common interests. Your relationships with family, friends and other trusted individuals all include elements of intimacy. Physical intimacy is about touch and closeness between bodies. Your relationship doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic to have physical intimacy. A warm, tight hug with a friend is physical intimacy.




The emotional aspect of every relationship is the way that we intimately feel about each other.

We have Chemistry with each other. Whilst it’s not the same kind of chemistry you learn about in science class, you know that you are energetically connected.

It is the emotional connection that two people feel when they have feelings for each other. Emotional intimacy is what allows you to tell your loved ones and trusted friends, personal things that you might not necessarily share with strangers.

As the relationship grows you begin to let your guard down. You begin to feel that you can trust, you feel safe enough to let your walls down and you begin to share things about yourself and your life that you may not have shared with another person before. As every relationship has ups and downs it’s important to remember that your emotional relationship is all-encompassing of all of your feelings ~ the Good, the Bad, the Glad and the Sad.





The spiritual relationship is the intangible part of all of our relationships. Generally speaking, spirituality is about belief in something beyond the physical realm of existence. That belief can be in a higher power, in human souls, or a greater purpose.

A spiritual relationship is when you experience harmony, understanding and peace. Your emotions come deep from within the core of the heart, physically and mentally.

Spiritual relationships complement our needs and give us the tools to develop as better human beings.

We know that we feel a connection to this person, place or thing. We are just not sure why we have this connection. Sometimes an instantaneous connection.

When you consciously recognise your spiritual connection, you then have an opportunity to enhance the relationship by building a bond based on inner security and healthy communication.

The Relationship After Any Kind of Loss

It is only the Physical Relationship that changes when the loss event occurs. As we will no longer be with them, speak and/or touch them in the same way. Whether they are in this realm or beyond. The Emotional and Spiritual Relationships live on forever. It’s the incompleteness of the Emotional Relationship that causes us all to grieve and suffer. We suffer because we do not know how to successfully deal with all the unfinished relationship emotions. Though when you know how to sit within emotion and hold it like a small child, it changes the experience of it.

It’s both bizarre and phenomenal at the same time.

In conclusion

Understanding these three aspects can help you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships by acknowledging their complexity.

At all times, no matter which of the inevitable cycle of love and loss you are experiencing it is always best to embrace self-compassion. You are valuable so it’s important to be kind to you.

Reach out anytime.

Until we meet again, please remember You Are Simply the BEST!!

Karen and Lesley


#RelationshipDynamics #UnderstandingSuffering #SelfCompassion #EmotionalResilience #BeyondLimitations



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