People repeat clichés all the time. Not even realising what they are saying. Mainly as they have heard them for most of their life.

No matter what which of the 40+ loss events, people will utilise these various clichés:

1. “Get a hold of yourself.”
2. “You’re strong, you’ll be ok.”
3. “You can’t fall apart.”
4. “We understand how you feel.”
5. “I never liked your ex, anyway.”
6. “Be thankful you have other children.”
7. “The living must go on.”
8. “You’re better off without them.”
9. “You’ll easily find another job.”
10. “You will never receive more than you can handle.”

The list represents some of the concepts and ideas that people (and you) may say, trying to assist you in dealing with the losses in your life.

It seems a little ridiculous that these common phrases are used so often especially when you remember that “Every relationship is unique, as is every loss.” We have never walked an inch in someone else’s shoes, so why would we feel and say these thoughtless phrases, trying to make others (and ourselves) feel better?

1. Get a hold of yourself:

   When someone says this phrase to you after a major loss ask yourself,” Is this comment being said for me or for them?”  Everyone will deal with their grief and suffering in their own most ideal way. It’s time for us all to stop judging how people grieve. Start asking, How can I be there for you at this time? Then listen and do as they suggest.

2. You’re strong you’ll be ok:

   This is one of the most common things that was said to me when Dan passed. I remember thinking, “surely this is the perfect time for me to stop being the strong one?” Of course, I was the strong one. Please never say this. Suggest that you be the strong one for them, for a change.

3. You can’t fall apart:

   This is all about others and has nothing to do with you and your grieving process. I’ve found that when a Beyond Loss event occurs that is the most opportune moment for you to start asking this question: “If I say Yes to you, am I saying No to Me?” You will find that you probably have been, so start saying NO, more often!

4. We understand how you feel:

   Hmmm, no you do not. Every relationship is unique, as is every loss. We have never walked an inch in someone else’s shoes. The only way to know how they feel is to ask them………. and then listen to the answer. Then you’ll know how to be there for them.

5. Be thankful you have other children:

   Someone at Dan’s funeral said that I was lucky I had two other sons. Seriously, what were they thinking? Actually, they were not. If you are uncomfortable and do not know what to say, say nothing. or say, “I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine what you are going through. How can I help you?

6. The living must go on:

   I feel a better thing to say would be something along the lines of “how can we ensure that you can design a life where you are living and loving each and every day. Let’s make this your pivotal moment in making it happen.”

7. I never liked your partner, anyway:

   This is probably the most thoughtless thing you can say to someone when they share that their marriage or partnership is over. Especially if you have been a constant part of the couple’s lives. Always remember that they thought they would be spending the rest of their lives together.

8. You’re better off without them:

   This is similar to the last one. A better rephrasing would be, “That is sad. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision, have you thought about how you can ensure that your life moving forward will be better than it has been?”

9. You’ll easily find another job:

   This may be the case, though at this time they may be worried about how they will survive without the regular income. Ask questions along those lines, as opposed to blanket statements that are meaningless.

10. You’ll never receive more than you can handle:

    Whilst I personally believe that this statement is true, I would never say this to someone who is in the midst of their personal loss event.

These cliches say more about the person saying them. They are lost for words and are saying the first thing that pops into their head. Meaningless statements that have been said for centuries.

The best thing to say when someone tells you about their recent loss event is “How can I assist you at this time?” They will then be very grateful that you are there for them.

It is essential that you identify which ideas you are using to deal with grief so that you can see whether they are helping or hindering you and others’ recovery.

No matter what loss you are suffering from it is always ideal for you to dive into the all of the things that may cause you regrets, here are some:

Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

• How many of these cliches have I utilised?
• Do I have any others?
• What is a better way for me to be there for others?
• What will be my response when others say these things to me in the future?

Take some time to ponder these questions, write them down. Explore them. Then forgive yourself, for ignorantly saying these cliches to others in the past. Then, forgive the others who have thoughtlessly said these to you. That way you can learn and grow from them…. never to be repeated again.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

#GriefSupport #EmpathyMatters #BeyondClichés #SupportingLoss #MeaningfulWords #WhatToSayWhenLossComesToVisit

Beliefs are basically the guiding principles in life that provide direction and meaning for our life. Beliefs are the pre-set, organised filters to our perceptions of the world (external and internal). Beliefs are like ‘internal commands’ to the brain as to how to interpret what is happening, when we congruently believe something to be true.

Beliefs originate from what we hear – and keep on hearing from others, ever since we were children (and even before that!). The sources of beliefs include environment, events, knowledge, past experiences, visualisation, etc. One of the biggest misconceptions people often harbour is that a belief is a static, intellectual concept. Nothing can be farther from the truth! Beliefs are a choice. We have the power to choose our beliefs.

We have all heard, seen and read what others do and say when loss comes into their life. We have formed our ‘Beyond Loss Beliefs’ from these experiences. Now let’s look at the five most common misbeliefs around loss.

Just give it time: I am sure you have heard this multiple times. In some cultures, people wear black for a year after the loss of a loved one. You get to choose the time frame. You can choose to complete the emotional relationship on the day of the loss. Will you? Probably not. It’s important to know and remember that time is not a factor when it comes to stopping the grieving and suffering process.

Keep busy: This may take your mind off the Unconscious Mind Loss Loop, though all it is doing is keeping you suffering for longer. Get busy with taking responsibility for what has happened. Start to figure out all of your communications that may be incomplete and uncommunicated.

Replace the loss: This one I really do not understand, though many people say it. Sure, you may find someone to do some of the things you used to do together. Though all relationships are unique, know that you are not replacing the other person, you are creating more unique relationships and experiences.

Grieve alone: I feel that this belief has come about as most people are uncomfortable around loss. They don’t want to talk about it or think about it. When you keep bringing it up, they shut you down, change the subject and tell you to “Get over it” “Move on.” It does not have to be that way. This is why I do what I do. It’s time for people to get comfortable around loss. Then we will all know how to easily move beyond it.

Be strong for others: I’ve heard this several times. I don’t get it. The relationship is unique. Create a healthy emotional relationship in regard to the loss. Then others will see a better way for them to do it. That is the most ideal way to be there for others. Be the example for others to follow.

Always Remember:

Your beliefs become your reality. choose beliefs that create your ideal reality.

Do you know what your beliefs are regarding loss?

Here are some Contemplations for YOU to Ponder:

• How many of the above five beliefs do I have?
• Do I have any others?
• How are these beliefs serving me?
• What would be a better Beyond Loss Belief for me to have?

Take some time to write these down. Explore them. Then figure out some more ideal beliefs to have regarding loss……….. ones that will serve you and not bring you down for too long.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

#BeliefsMatter #BeyondLossBeliefs #EmotionalHealing #ChangeYourBeliefs #GrievingProcess

Recently, Karen had a conversation with Jane, a young teacher’s aide, who shared her distressing experience of leaving her previous industry due to workplace bullying. Her story highlighted the critical issue of workplace bullying, an issue that still persists and goes unchecked in many organisations. As a former CFO, Karen was appalled to hear about Jane’s ordeal, as it made her reflect on her own experiences. It’s time we address this destructive workplace mindset and behaviour.

Jane’s Story: Karen and her husband recently attended their grandson’s kindergarten’s grandparents’ day. Karen struck up a conversation with Jane, one of the teachers, who revealed that she had joined the education field after leaving her accounting career due to relentless bullying.

Despite her accounting degree, she couldn’t continue in her industry because of the toxic workplace culture. She had hoped for change when she got a female boss, thinking she could learn from her. However, the bullying and constant belittling was far worse that what she had received from former male bosses, and she lived in constant fear. It affected not only her health but also her personal life. Jane’s story is just one example of the pervasive issue of workplace bullying.

Karen’s Corporate career

During Karen’s corporate career, she witnessed workplace bullying, and also admits that she may have been guilty of some of these behaviour at times. Back then, there wasn’t the same level of awareness, nor were there policies and procedures in place to address such behaviour. However, times have changed, and it’s time for a shift.

This is why today; we’re starting a series of posts that delve into the topic of Workplace Bullying.

We want to understand the reasons why people engage in this behaviour, the outcomes from this toxic behaviour, so we can work together to stop it.

Below is our visual display of 12 reasons Why People Bully. Each of these behaviours is unjustifiable, as they harm both the victim and the bully.

Workplace bullying is a complex issue and bullies often have a combination of personal, social, and psychological factors contributing to their behaviour.

It’s essential to address these underlying issues and provide support to help individuals:

• become consciously aware of the reasons behind their actions
• recognise the mental, emotional and physical affect their behaviour is having on others
• plus, the mental, emotional and physical affect to them

We encourage you to engage with us in this critical discussion. Share your thoughts, experiences, and solutions to workplace bullying.

Let’s work together to create a safer, more respectful work environment for everyone.

If you or someone you know is currently engaging in these practices, please feel free to reach out as we are here to support you in finding your core reasons as to why you have become a workplace bully.

Let’s make a collective effort to put an end to workplace bullying and foster a more inclusive and empathetic workplace culture.

Together, we can create positive change. Stay tuned for more posts in our Workplace Bullying series.

Reach out if you’d like to know the learn more.

Until we meet again, please remember that you are Simply the BEST!

Karen and Lesley

#StopWorkplaceBullying #EndBullyingAtWork #BullyFreeWorkplace #WorkplaceRespect #BeyondLimtations

When we are children, before we are convinced that our emotions are inappropriate, we can move through them very quickly and return to our natural state of joy.

We are naturally joyous beings and when something is interfering with that natural state of joy, it needs to be addressed and the sooner the better.

The less ashamed you are of your emotions, the faster you take them on. The less you are judging your emotions, the more willing you are to be open about what you are feeling and express it to those who matter to you in your life.

Most of the issues that we have here on Earth are the result of people not allowing themselves to fully feel their emotions. Possibly leading them to take actions that represent the stuck emotions. Or they get a very deadly disease because they haven’t allowed themselves to feel their emotions and express them.

Moving beyond or being stuck in loss comes down to the strategies you utilise to deal with your negative emotions.

Take a sec and ask yourselves whether your current approach is working for you?

If you have tactics that you employ to put off the feelings of negative emotions, keep reading as this approach is not ideal for you or your health ~ mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually.

It’s about learning from the children of our world and when you follow their example, the happier you will be in your life.

• They live in the moment.
• They are creative.
• They do what they feel passionate about.
• They allow themselves to feel and express their emotions.
• They are honest and they are hopeful.
• They believe in magic and they are our greatest teachers.

Watch them and the more you are like them, the more you will find that a natural state of joy exists underneath all that stuck emotion you’ve been holding onto.

As long as you are running from your feelings of anger, sadness, fear, loneliness and all the other negative emotions that crop up, that is all you will experience.

You end up trapped in a never-ending cycle of anger, sadness, fear, loneliness and all the other negative emotions.

You do all that you can to stuff the emotions down.

You’re in avoidance and your unhealthy habits are working against you. Bringing you down more and more.

Though the moment you sit down, take a Conscious Loving Breath and allow yourself to feel into it, you’ll find the kind of sweetness that arises within you. You begin to see the beauty in it. Even though it is painful and terrible, you can begin to see the GIFT, the TREASURE of all that has happened.

Once you take these steps, that is how you become complete with the often-painful reality that the physical relationship has ended.

In conclusion

The wisdom shared here, highlights the profound simplicity in which children navigate their emotional landscapes. It serves as a reminder that embracing your emotions, rather than avoiding or suppressing them, can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling existence. By learning from the natural inclinations of children – living in the moment, pursuing creativity, following passions and being open about their feelings – you can break free from the shackles of unresolved emotions, ushering in a new sense of completeness and understanding.

The journey towards emotional transparency and self-acceptance may be challenging, but it offers the promise of uncovering the beauty and lessons within your deepest feelings, ultimately leading to a more harmonious and joyful life.

Reach out anytime.

Until we meet again, please remember You Are Simply the BEST!!

Karen and Lesley

#EmbraceYourEmotions #JoyfulLiving #LearnFromChildren #EmotionalWellness #BeyondLimitations

Loss for all of us is inevitable. We all will face multiple major losses throughout our lives. It could be a death of a loved one, a divorce, separation, job loss, your health, your pets or any of the other 40 plus loss events.

Love is also inevitable. We are constantly moving between love and loss and then back to love. I refer to this as the Love Loss Infinity Loop.

The concept of the “Love Loss Infinity Loop” describes the cyclic nature of love and loss in our lives. It highlights the need for healthy emotional processing, as suppressing or ignoring feelings related to loss can lead to suffering.

Many of us seem to get stuck in loss, mainly because we have not been shown how to healthily process our feelings. We suppress them, stuff them down, avoid and/or ignore them, hoping and sometimes praying that they will simply go away. This is why we need to understand the many reasons why we suffer so much.

The first and most significant step is to understand that there are three aspects to every relationship. They are:

The physical relationship is the way that we physically hang out together. The things we do together. What we say. The information we share. The way we touch each other. It’s the intimacy, the closeness between people in personal relationships.

It’s what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. It involves the quality of the time you spend together. The way that you open up about personal details and bond over common interests. Your relationships with family, friends and other trusted individuals all include elements of intimacy. Physical intimacy is about touch and closeness between bodies. Your relationship doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic to have physical intimacy. A warm, tight hug with a friend is physical intimacy.

The emotional aspect of every relationship is the way that we intimately feel about each other.

We have Chemistry with each other. Whilst it’s not the same kind of chemistry you learn about in science class, you know that you are energetically connected.

It is the emotional connection that two people feel when they have feelings for each other. Emotional intimacy is what allows you to tell your loved ones and trusted friends, personal things that you might not necessarily share with strangers.

As the relationship grows you begin to let your guard down. You begin to feel that you can trust, you feel safe enough to let your walls down and you begin to share things about yourself and your life that you may not have shared with another person before. As every relationship has ups and downs it’s important to remember that your emotional relationship is all-encompassing of all of your feelings ~ the Good, the Bad, the Glad and the Sad.

The spiritual relationship is the intangible part of all of our relationships. Generally speaking, spirituality is about belief in something beyond the physical realm of existence. That belief can be in a higher power, in human souls, or a greater purpose.

A spiritual relationship is when you experience harmony, understanding and peace. Your emotions come deep from within the core of the heart, physically and mentally.

Spiritual relationships complement our needs and give us the tools to develop as better human beings.

We know that we feel a connection to this person, place or thing. We are just not sure why we have this connection. Sometimes an instantaneous connection.

When you consciously recognise your spiritual connection, you then have an opportunity to enhance the relationship by building a bond based on inner security and healthy communication.

The Relationship After Any Kind of Loss

It is only the Physical Relationship that changes when the loss event occurs. As we will no longer be with them, speak and/or touch them in the same way. Whether they are in this realm or beyond. The Emotional and Spiritual Relationships live on forever. It’s the incompleteness of the Emotional Relationship that causes us all to grieve and suffer. We suffer because we do not know how to successfully deal with all the unfinished relationship emotions. Though when you know how to sit within emotion and hold it like a small child, it changes the experience of it.

It’s both bizarre and phenomenal at the same time.

In conclusion

Understanding these three aspects can help you build healthier, more fulfilling relationships by acknowledging their complexity.

At all times, no matter which of the inevitable cycle of love and loss you are experiencing it is always best to embrace self-compassion. You are valuable so it’s important to be kind to you.

Reach out anytime.

Until we meet again, please remember You Are Simply the BEST!!

Karen and Lesley

#RelationshipDynamics #UnderstandingSuffering #SelfCompassion #EmotionalResilience #BeyondLimitations